The holidays often come with hope, family traditions, and a sense of togetherness. But if you’re divorced or separated, and suddenly find out your co‑parent plans to take the kids somewhere for Christmas without including you, the moment can sting deeply. It can feel unfair, isolating, and destabilizing for both you and your children. If you’re facing that situation, you are not alone. Here’s what you should know, both emotionally and legally, under North Carolina law.
The Emotional Reality: It Hurts, And That’s Valid
Seeing a holiday vacation itinerary where your children are included, but you are not, can stir up anger, sadness, confusion, and guilt. You might worry about missing out on important family memories, or fear your children will feel caught between you and their other parents. That pain is real, and valid. It’s okay to acknowledge it.
But beyond feelings of rejection or loss, many parents also feel anxious about what this means for custody, stability, and the children’s sense of normalcy. During times like this, it’s important to pause, take care of yourself, and, when possible, respond with clarity rather than emotion.
What the Law Says in North Carolina: Custody, Visitation & Travel
Whether a co‑parent can legally take the children on holiday depends largely on what your custody/visitation order or parenting plan says. Under North Carolina law, custody and physical care of a child may be divided in various ways, joint custody, sole custody, shared or primary physical custody.
If there is a formal custody or visitation order, that order may or may not address travel or out-of‑state trips. According to legal resources in NC: such orders sometimes grant the right to travel, sometimes prohibit it, and sometimes stay silent altogether.
When the order prohibits the child from being taken out of state, or requires consent or court permission, then traveling without that permission may constitute a violation. In fact, under N.C. Gen. Stat. § 14-320.1, transporting a child out of the state with the intent to violate a custody order can be a felony. More broadly, when one parent refuses to follow a holiday or visitation schedule, or when they fail to exchange children per the court order, the other parent may ask the court to enforce the order, through a motion for contempt or other legal enforcement.
All that said, if your custody agreement does not address travel or out-of-state trips, and there is no restriction, some state courts and attorneys have noted that a parent might technically be free to travel with the child. In short: whether your co-parent can legally take the children for Christmas, and leave them out of state, depends heavily on the exact wording of your custody / visitation order.
What You Can Do If You Find Out Too Late
Feeling shut out from holiday plans is hard. If you discover your co‑parent wants to take the children somewhere this Christmas and you weren’t included, here are some steps you might consider:
Reach out calmly and ask for more information. You might say you want to understand the itinerary, or you want to discuss how to make this holiday fair for the kids. If possible, keep communication polite and centered on what’s best for the children.
Review your custody and visitation order carefully (or get a copy from court if you don’t have one). Look for any language about travel, out-of-state trips, holiday exchanges, or required consent.
If your order prohibits or restricts travel, or requires consent, and your co-parent proceeds anyway, you have legal grounds. Consult a family‑law attorney and consider filing a motion to enforce the order or to prevent unlawful removal of the child.
If your order doesn’t address travel or appears ambiguous, talk to a lawyer about filing a motion to clarify your rights or request a temporary order preventing unilateral travel. In some cases, a court may require your co-parent to post a bond or other security if they travel out of state. Avoid confrontation. Do not attempt to forcibly stop the travel or “kidnap” your children. That could create more legal problems, even if your position is justified. Instead, rely on legal channels or mediation.
Communicate with the children (if appropriate) in an age‑sensitive, supportive way. Let them know you love them, and that you are working to protect their best interests. They don’t need to be involved in adult conflict, but they should feel loved and secure.
What This Means For Your Children, And Your Co‑Parenting
When one parent unilaterally plans holiday travel, it can undermine trust and make co‑parenting feel unstable. From the child’s perspective, holidays are often a touchpoint for memories, identity, and family, and unpredictable changes can be confusing or hurtful.
That’s why it’s so important to establish clear agreements, early communication, and respect for each parent’s rights. When courts are involved, flexibility is still possible, but ideally, decisions are made jointly, with the child’s best interests in mind. Cases involving major holidays, vacations, or out-of-state travel often prompt judges to refer to custody orders and to consider consistency, stability, and the child’s emotional welfare.When both parents show willingness to collaborate, even after hardship, children are more likely to feel safe, secure, and loved by all of their caregivers.
A Hopeful Holiday, Even Amid Change
If you’re reading this because your co-parent has announced holiday travel plans without you, take a deep breath. You have rights under North Carolina law. This situation doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be excluded, but it does call for clarity, communication, and maybe legal action.
It may be painful now, and the holiday might look different than in years past, but that doesn’t mean it can’t hold warmth, love, or even new traditions. By asserting your rights, protecting your children’s best interests, and seeking cooperation or legal support, you can help ensure the holidays remain about them, not conflict.
During times like these, thoughtful parenting and calm, consistent advocacy can be the kindest gifts you give your children. Because in the end, family isn’t defined solely by who’s physically present, but by who shows up with care, love, and stability.
Why Choose Lincolnton Family Law?
Choosing the right attorney is essential. Jennifer Hames and the team at Lincolnton Family Law bring a compassionate, understanding approach combined with a wealth of experience in family law. We focus on minimizing conflict and resolving issues efficiently to protect your future.
We understand the emotional and financial stresses involved in dealing with the law and court and are committed to making this process as smooth as possible for you and your children. Our local presence in Lincolnton allows us to be accessible when you need us, providing timely and effective legal solutions.
Navigating court doesn’t have to be a journey you take alone. Contact Lincolnton Family Law today, and let us help you ensure the best for you.